Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I have been under attack this week. No…not a physical attack. A spiritual one, an attack on my thoughts and mind.
But sadly, I didn’t recognize it as such. It started off small…very subtle. Thoughts that slowly spiraled into being overwhelming and filled me with sadness, fear and frustration, anger and disappointment. And then…guilt.
I felt guilty for feeling sad, for being angry. For not having a handle on this disease. Not being completely surrendered to the Lord. Guilty for struggling with my diagnosis, and then guilty for being tired, for raising my voice to my children, for not counting my days as valuable, and feeling irritated with myself for spending my days focused on myself. Then, for wasting a day in self pity. Ugh.
Do you see the spiral effect of negative thoughts?
How did I get here? What went wrong? I was doing so well. I immediately started blaming myself for how I got here. What did I do wrong? How can I correct this? Prevent this? How could I let one person’s unintentional words bring me so much grief?
Three days before this downward spiral, I was filled with peace and told my husband that I’ve had the best 2 weeks! I literally felt like I had forgotten I had cancer! That I didn’t think about it at all! I was filled with joy and just living my life like normal.
Was it a subconscious invitation to the devil…who was prowling around waiting for a weak point? Like Job, I felt he was asking me….do you praise God now? Now that I have reminded you of your lot in life? Of your weakness? Of your cancer? Of the trial that is before you? Of your death?
I have been struggling this week. And yet, as strong as my faith is….like Job….I am not immune. It took most of the week to truly recognize this for what it is. It’s a spiritual attack. My self pity, fear, sorrow and anger….may be real, but Satan is using them to pull me away from the Lord, to begin to doubt my Savior, to cause me to turn my strength away from God and be reminded of my immense weakness.
Satan has even begun to attack my family. Two of my children have been having nightmares this week!
It was then that my husband recognized it and began to pray over them. And now….the Lord has opened my eyes to the truth! I am not a victim! I am victorious in Christ! He is my strength, my peace! He alone is my hope and I have professed my trust in Him!
Oh friends, none of us is immune! We all can fall to the lies Satan pours out in our minds. I read a book recently that reminded me that the truth of God is in our hearts as believers, we know it! We trust it and we believe it, yet it is with our minds that Satan begins to weave doubt. We must be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
God tells us not to be afraid, not to doubt, but he also tells us to be courageous and to not conform to this world where thieves break in and steal. He tells us not to worry but to seek his kingdom. Why would he tell us these things? Because he knows we are weak! He knows Satan. He knows how he attacks. Our faith is to uphold us and to strengthen us when we are weak. When we are weak, He is strong! It is in this real fear that he calls us to be courageous! To trust in our faith!
Praises be to God who is mighty and who took away the sins of this world on the cross! It is for his glory that I am alive! It is for Him that I draw a breathe each day. My life is not my own, it is for him. I must surrender my life, all my emotions, my fears and my weaknesses, so that he alone is magnified. He is the great healer, the miracle worker, the promise keeper. He alone is God. Who am I? But his servant, his disciple. I am to learn, to surrender, to serve, to love and to trust….even in the midst of this trial. There is nothing my God can’t do.
When I take my eyes off of him and onto my circumstances, Satan has me. He lures me with thoughts that are contrary to God’s kingdom.
And so he steals our lives, our moments. I have been down and just depressed at moments. I have allowed Satan to steal my joy and steal the moments with the people that are the most important. I have not prayed, not been my best self. I have withdrawn and have doubted the one person who has been faithful to me throughout my life, and especially this journey.
Today, I will choose faith. To trust again my Lord who saves and who hears my prayers. Who loves me unconditionally and who strengthens me when I am weak. I will pursue Him and his word and praise him with my words and my life. I will bow before him in thanksgiving for the life he has given me TODAY.
He has reminded me that prayer is our greatest weapon. I will have negative thoughts again. I am human, but today I will counter those attacks with prayer! With praise to the God who sees me, who knows me and who loves me.
Friends, be reminded of this truth today. When you hear those thoughts in your head, don’t try to “be more positive”, but rather surrender yourself to God in prayer! Stop, drop to your knees, speak truth! Read the Word of God! You are loved, you are heard. He sees you and is with you. Our God will not forsake you .
Psalm 18 says, “I love you lord…the cords of death entangled me…in my distress I called to the Lord, I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice …With my God I can scale a wall. It is God who arms me with strength.”
Seek God this moment, this day, and recognize His power in the midst of your weakness, your circumstance. It is through him that we regain our lives and are strengthened with the hope of his glory.