Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
We all know this word. We think we understand what it means, but do we ever really stop to think about the depth of this word? In our world today, unfortunately we have lost our trust, giving us a sense of frustration, or even hopelessness. But trust…real trust…although it can seem like a lost trait…is very real in the person of Jesus. Our culture has turned it’s trust to people and things, where it was never meant to be in the first place. We have taken our eyes off God and onto man-made creations and fallible human beings.
Trust is a verb that means to rely on the truthfulness of, to place our confidence in, to hope or expect confidently. Truth, in this day and age, is sadly becoming elusive and unreachable because it has become something people have to decide for themselves.
But…there is hope. Truth is a person! Truth is real, attainable, knowable. Truth is Jesus Christ. And there must be truth to have trust. To have hope. To have confidence. And we don’t have to trust in people or things! The Bible tells us to Trust in the Lord! He is our confidence, our truth, our hope!
In December, I was praying for the Lord to give me a word for the upcoming year…a practice I have been doing for the last several years. An overarching theme for the year to come to guide my thoughts and actions, alongside a verse for the year. In the past, the Lord has given me Intentionality, Giving, Community. But as I was praying this last part of 2020, the clear direction He was giving me was to TRUST Him. And subsequently Proverbs 3 was laid on my heart.
I always thought I trusted God. I said it. I believed it. But….had I actually lived it? I am not ignorant to the struggles others face…believers and unbelievers alike. I have seen and heard and walked alongside others enduring their own battles and trials. I have walked the road of infertility myself…that longing for a child. My own mother is journeying the cancer road herself. But…the Lord knew I would need TRUST as we rounded into 2021. He knew that more than ever before…I would need Him. To rely on Him solely and to lean into his understanding when I had none myself. He knew the road I was about to be on was going to be one of the most difficult I would ever find myself on.
The reality of my journey with cancer began on January 13th, when I was diagnosed with poorly undifferentiated metastatic adenocarcinoma, which means they didn’t know where it was coming from but that I had cancer and it was spreading throughout my lymph nodes.
Wow. I never saw it coming.
But the Lord did. The night before my biopsy, our church had a prayer service. At this point, being a medical professional, I knew the differential diagnosis. I knew I could have cancer. I just didn’t want to believe I had cancer. So I begged God for an easily treatable diagnosis. An easy diagnosis. A different diagnosis than my fears were waging with me.
And the Lord answered me. He reminded me as I knelt before the alter crying out to Him that the journey I would soon begin was to be between me and Him. And that I would have to trust Him.
Having confidence in someone when you don’t understand. Believing that that someone loves me and is working all things together for my good. Relying on that someone for my strength and to make my path straight when I can’t even see the path before me.
This my friends… is Trust.
This is Jesus.
I can’t begin to share all the Lord is working in and through me so far on this journey. All I know is that He is working all things together for my good. (Romans 8:28).
My diagnosis has changed over the last few weeks as we’ve sought for answers, undergone several tests, spoke with different physicians and started chemotherapy. My final diagnosis is Stage 4 fallopian tube cancer (more rare)…which is lumped in with Ovarian Cancer (more common).
I have Ovarian Cancer.
It’s still so weird to even say or type or to sit in the Oncology office.
I have cancer.
Do you ever have those dreams where you wake up and are so thankful it’s a dream? Me, too. Except this time….it’s not a dream. But…what started out as a nightmare, the Lord is redeeming. He is strengthening me and bringing me to the end of myself. He is changing my life. He is calling me out of the darkness into His glorious light! He is becoming my peace.
And more than anything else….I am looking forward to sharing how the Lord is working in my life as I begin to walk out this new life of mine….differently.
The Lord gave me that mantra many years ago. I began this blog many years ago with that in mind…knowing and believing that the Lord has called me to live differently. Yet…it has taken 8 years for him to bring me to the end of myself and to show me what this will really mean as I travel along this path with Him.
Let me encourage you today!! This is my journey, yet YOU are walking beside me. The Lord is at hand! (Phil 4:5) He is leading, guiding and transforming YOU as you come alongside. Be alert and know that he is weaving us all together for a greater purpose than you or I will ever comprehend.
Let us, therefore, seek His face together, for ..”no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Cor 2:9
Let the journey begin!!